busy

i was busy, very very busy, for the last few days . even though i missed out as a result on some probably more important personal matters, fact remains i love what i become during such periods.

when i live through a time like that, all my energies and abilities become focused on a very specific gaol goal that is only available to me and to me only, and in some cases even visible only to me. there is nothing quite like the feeling one achieves in the midst of that kind and level of concentration. i literally go without sleep and food, not because i do not have time for sleep or food, rather i lose my ability to sleep and all appetite. in fact i sometimes throw up what i force myself to eat (though this is rare and did not happen last time), and it is clear my body do need the sleep, after i finished it yesterday i slept for almost twelve hours straight in my working cloths.

deep down i know that the objective really does not matter (in the last case it was quite unimportant either financially or otherwise) and i have lived through the ultimate disappointment after all that effort without much grief (last case was however successful.like most such efforts :-) )

in fact i am feeling rather restless today after all that excitement and am finding it hard getting used to normal routine tasks or even to sit still. it is next to impossible to focus my mind at the moment, as a result this post is taking ages to write.

it is not like i do not enjoy lazy holidays and the like. last christmas i spent a week doing almost nothing and enjoying myself immensely but that was not really me. yesterday was me.

do other people feel like this ? am i pathetic ? or crazy ? or both together?

to tell you the truth i really do not care. though people i came in to contact would have very different ideas, i know what i was in last three days or any such period, was me at my best, at least to myself . i would not give up that for anything in this world, i love myself too much for that